Peacock Feathers in the Truck Lane
When strutting no longer pays the rent and how I'm fixing it
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Peacocks strut in specific ways to earn business. Flappy, fancy, and fluttery. Sometimes they’ll even chase after their target clientele.
My self-employment marketing methods don't work because I don't chase people or follow up as I should.
I don't beg.
None of that works for me.
I don't have a niche, and frankly, I don't want one.
I no longer see admitting either as a failure. For four or five months, I actively labeled it as a failure. No, it's not a failure. It's owning up to what actually works and doesn't work.
Why?
No matter how good you are, you’re required to dance
Once you get the clients, testimonials, job, and advancement in your chosen career, the required peacock strutting does not stop.
It only changes the scope of how and when you fluff and display your feathers.
You must always show up, show off, and sell yourself in some way, shape, or form.
It. Never. Stops.
As a woman in the business (corporate or self-employed) world, you're judged by your coworkers, bosses, religious leaders, HR, and others.
Your family and friends may or may not fully understand.
Unless you have someone on the same path, you won't get the support you need to climb to the other side. And I mean the same path, not a similar path, not bros in the business organization you're part of. No, the same path as you because when difficulties arise, no one else will understand or believe the nuances you're trying to communicate.
You might have others in your business organization to "support" you, but this only goes so far.
They only want to help you the way it works for them, and the way it works for them may not be the way it actually works for you.
I've tried to make enough money to "just be."
I did it once.
It worked for a little while until it didn't.
Then, I ended up in a similar place to where I had first begun.
Start over because you must
I have to start over again.
I'm great at adapting, even when it means making large, life-changing decisions, because sometimes in this life, to survive, YOU MUST.
Rent is still due every month.
You can choose to get the rent paid, or you can choose to be homeless.
If you're going to be homeless through no fault of your own, despite your best efforts, YOU MUST mentally and emotionally pivot to adapting to your new reality.
If you want to survive and not be consumed by an ocean of overwhelming change, YOU MUST adapt.
Changes come whether you're ready or not
I always knew there would come a day when I would no longer be a technical writer by trade.
I tried to plan for it, but those plans didn't work out.
Recently, I made some new plans.
Those plans did not work out.
When one door closes, TWO more doors swing open for you to choose from.
For those of you who know, I’ve spent the last few months in a very aggressive job search. From February to now, the door to technical writing jobs seems to be firmly shutting in my face at every turn.
It feels surreal that something you’ve done for more than the last ten years is no longer viable to you for an income.
To ignore this fact is unwise.
To accept it means that change is coming sooner than I planned.
I wanted it to wait a tiny bit longer, mostly so I could “feel ready.”
Most of us don’t get that privilege in this life.
Facts don’t wait for feelings
Because I can see this happening, I went to the Workforce Solutions establishment in my local area and talked to some lovely people.
A woman I worked with during a job search session said, "You're very knowledgeable. You're very, very, very smart."
I didn't know what to say in response.
I wanted to say, "All those smarts don't mean anything if you can't dance the right way in front of the right people. It's a crying shame, isn't it?"
Because it is.
It's the peacock strut, and my feathers don't stand out enough anymore.
What if you just walk away from everything?
Trust me, I've thought about this for years.
Everyone should think about this from time to time.
It makes you think, research the possibilities, and learn about different scenarios and problems you have to solve along the way.
You'll also learn that some pretty gnarly things can happen to you that could do you in and make you think twice about actually walking away.
I haven't yet figured out how to live completely without monetary cost (I've studied others who have and do) for myself and still be mostly safe as a woman. The scenarios of the people I studied do not match my situation exactly, so the research doesn't fully align when solving that problem.
All this research and learning experience gives you a greater appreciation for the life you're currently frustrated with.
The two extremes
Unless you intentionally choose to be poor and can find a way to live with minimal expenses regularly for the rest of your life, OR you find a business model that works for you where you're solving a significant, repeatable, human problem in a proven way, the hustle culture never stops.
You're never going to be able to stop showing up and being forced to show off to win jobs, client contracts, or acceptance amongst your neighbors or your peers.
There are really only four categories of problems you can solve that will make you rich online:
Health/Fitness (weight gain or loss, physical fitness, food, etc.)
Personal Finance (helping people make money)
Relationships (being successful in business, personal, family, or romantic relationships)
Security (being or feeling safe and secure while living at home or traveling)
The reason some of these gurus have "cracked the code" is because they are either:
Putting in massive amounts of brute-force constant work, regardless of the quantity required, for 6-24 months (alongside their teams!)
They're helping others find a way to make money that works for their chosen clientele.
That's it.
Everything else requires different levels of fluffery, strutting, showing off, bragging, and constantly being seen.
“If you aren't seen, you aren't relevant.”
Even when you reach certain levels after this, you must still produce content, advertisements, strategic newsletters, social media management, client relations, and more.
Now, you can build a business model from the ground up that works for you. It is technically possible, but I haven't found the one burning problem I solve for a target client who can actually afford to pay me.
I could build the business model, but the solution or product I would offer would not be profitable.
And that's where I get stuck every time.
I can't be ridiculously wealthy online because of this.
I've had carloads and curriculum loads of business advice and mentoring to understand that it is just how it is.
No amount of good feelings and warm, fuzzy beliefs help with this. It does not create the attraction you’re looking for. If the product or service is not repeatedly necessary or people cannot afford to pay you, you will not reach your desired financial goals through that business model.
I've stopped fighting and have accepted it.
If you finally find that one coach or mentor you think can teach you a method that works best for you, I can almost guarantee you their business model works for them because they are helping other people make money.
That's it.
If they help people do or accomplish something else that does not directly involve this, they are not able to charge as much for what they do. This requires more clients, which requires more... you guessed it... more peacock strutting.
If this article causes a flurry of content from those folks to prove me wrong, so be it.
Go for it.
At the end of the day, you're not walking in my shoes, dealing with my obligations and energy levels, or understanding that the one or two things I do really well for people are the ones most people can't afford or won't pay for.
Others and I have thoroughly vetted this, especially in my situation.
Some might say, "Just niche down even further and target the clients who WILL pay you!"
No—no, no. Because that requires a completely new set of very specific feathers, specially ordered and custom-made.
How long will it be before I need another new set?
AI is coming for those pretty little new feathers, too.
Right now, even those customers don't want to spend money. They have a pool of people who can do the same thing for them, and now, with the help of AI, it's ever so much cheaper.
It's like being part of the pool's deep-end VIP community and being thrown back into the kiddie pool during a discount matinee on a Tuesday wearing your big sister’s hand-me-down swimsuit.
Part of new business models in the future should revolve around surviving in a world where people cannot pay.
It involves proper alignment and deep trust. These are two things people crave but society and current systems do their best to keep them out of reach.
Anything else, for me, is fighting an uphill battle I have no wish to repeat.
And then I have to ask myself, if people aren’t actually paying you, is that really even considered a business?
Probably not.
The IRS states that if your business is not profitable after three years, you don't have a business; baby, you have a hobby.
Surviving on hobbies?
Can I pay the rent with my hobbies and without the peacock strut?
I haven't figured out how to do that yet, either.
If I had it my way, I would walk for most of the day and spend the other part writing by hand about anything and everything. Then, I would camp mostly safely and somewhat comfortably for the night. The next day, I would repeat this until I wanted to do something different with my life.
There's no strutting involved in that.
There's no money to pay rent, but if I lived that way, I wouldn't be paying rent. Anywhere.
What little money I would make would go towards food, hygiene kits, shoes, and bug spray.
But how, exactly, would I make that money?
Possibilities appear once you go down a rabbit hole and ask questions.
And I'm very, very, very good at asking questions.
You should always ask questions
You have a right to learn, know, and understand.
You shouldn't be afraid of tracking down information that could give you the answers you seek.
You shouldn't fear how long finding those answers will take you. That's part of the journey.
Didn't you know there is treasure in the journey?
What gold did I find?
What did I uncover?
By asking questions and remaining open to the possibilities, I was presented with job resources that could help me retrain for a new career that will be in demand for some time.
It's completely different than what I've been doing for pay in the past. Adapting means no longer focusing on or pining for attention for my 12+ years of experience as a technical writer.
I did those things. The work is valid and stands on its own. I accomplished that.
But it's time to move to an industry that welcomes me with open arms: the trucking industry.
If everything goes well, I'll retrain to get my CDL and drive big rigs.
I used to live in my van and have driven throughout most of the United States. Over the years, I've slept at truck stops hundreds of times.
It will get me back on the road, except this time, all I'll have to do is focus on driving that truck safely and efficiently. I won't have to drive and work from the road at a separate job.
Driving (and its related necessary nuances)will be my work.
I won't have to look for campsites or book reservations in advance. There are thousands of places to park a truck nationwide, mostly for free.
If everything goes well, Maverick, my little sidekick with his pizazz, attitude, and food allergies, will be able to go with me.
I'll be getting paid enough to keep the rent up, so I'll have a home to return to.
Pivoting throws gravel
Adapting and making larger life decisions is difficult, but it doesn't have to be scary.
I've researched the trucking industry before, researched the trucking schools, and, in the last few months, called several trucking companies to ask questions.
In the trucking industry, safe operation is more important than flashy dancing.
In the trucking industry, I only need four very clear, bright feathers to wave around:
The CDL
A successful DOT physical exam
A clean driving record
Clean drug test
No custom, specially ordered set of fancy feathers is needed, and no strutting is required to get started.
The spinning tires that keep America moving throw gravel into algorithms or corporate structures that want you to keep dancing.
What if I'm wrong?
If I'm wrong and all this doesn't work out as intended, I can go back to dancing. Someone, somewhere, will pay me for that, right?
If I'm wrong about too, then it might be time to use some of the remaining cash to buy a fancy new Randy McNally road atlas book (paper copy), refresh the backup plans for my very, very long unplanned walk, and slip on my walking shoes.
Maybe Maverick's allergies will die down, I'll finally lose those last stubborn pounds, and we'll have some spectacular adventures along the way.
Walking Shoes or Truck Tires?
Does it have to be either or?
No. I’m hoping the truck tires enable me to use my walking shoes in different places.
For a time.
For a while.
For however long it’s written that I should.
Never focus on the door that closed.
Again, two more just swung wide open and are staring you in the face. Can you choose one that will still let you back track to the other if you must? Probably.
For now, that’s all the planning I need.
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