Somewhere between 7:07 AM and 9:31 AM central standard time, I committed murdered.

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Murder was not a line item scribbled neatly into my to-do list created the night before.

It was not part of my plans as I’d finished the last remanent of my morning coffee.

I was taken by surprise, and “forced” to complete the violent act within 60 seconds of learning of the requirement to do it.

I’d come this far, and I knew there was no turning back.

It was just as violent as the book described it, but less painful to endure than I had imagined.

When it was over, there was perfect silence, just as the author had promised.

The creature in my life, coddling me, and keeping me comfortable in a cage I didn’t even understand existed, no longer had a voice.

True Change Comes from Death of One Thing and the Birth of Another

I purchased the book out of desperation just shy of two months ago. I didn’t have the money to buy the book and still don’t.

I’ve been struggling the last 12 months in more than one way, and needed to examine further layers of what was happening in my life to see if there was any unseen, unturned stones.

Up until now, I’ve turned over and examined all of the ones I could find both in my personal life, my professional life, stretch goals, immediate goals, and everywhere in between.

I had no idea that this book would lead me to uncover certain pieces about myself that I had never previously seen. Through therapy and Internet articles and self-help gurus, yes, you can find many of these surface level items in your everyday life, patterns that sabotage you, and so on and so forth.

But this book turned out to be much deeper than that.

The author points out, that to do this, you must first demand proof of, document, and then dismantle all the lies.

Violent Self-Reflection Turns into Calculated Action

To gather the proof, you must commit a violent act of self-analysis, document the surrounding the facts of your life, and record the data resulting from patterns you harbor but your therapist never bothered to disclose.

It is the only way to spot the figurative creature that feeds on your forgotten dreams.

I did not realize that as I turned the page, 1/3 of the way down, that the book would inform me that I would be committing murder and that I would be required to do it in the next 60 seconds.

My target?

The pieces of at me that were programmed into me by society, culture, and media from birth that are, in fact, not true.

I learned that this creature (the programming, the sub-texts, the false beliefs, mindsets, and habitual actions lived out we see as “normal”) is actually not part of me and never has been as much as it would have loved for me to believe that.

And now staring it in the face like eye-balling a cornered tarantula, it was time to say goodbye.

No time for last words. No time for a nice, bowtie, clean ending.

Just death.

Anxiety of possible consequences flooded my nervous system. My throat went dry. My hands froze, but my eyes never moved away from the creature in the corner.

By now (6 to 7 weeks since I started working through this book), I spotted it for what it was: a death rattle of the lie. And that anxiety, that fear is just one tool in the arsenal uses to keep you comfortable: not quite, alive not quite dead, but somewhere in between.

The author was very specific: no hesitation was allowed. Thinking about it was just another delay tactic of the creature.

The thing that kills it? Immediate action. No planning, not reading more books, just action.

But not any action, and I will stress again, not the surface level stuff you see on the internet or the kind you see bro’s huffing around on Instagram.

Specifically, the kind that is honed, calculated, vetted, perceived, honored, and tempered, like a blade that pierces and may even bend a little, but never breaks.

It’s not an action that just sounds logical because it’s something you’ve been avoiding all this time, because it’s something you need to do to “stand up for yourself” or even correct an injustice that has been long ignored.

No, that is all surface level.

The action the author was describing was far deeper and more layered than these, the methods of discovery clearly laid out in his book.

The author gave the reader several choices of things they should do in that immediate moment. Each choice provided an option in which there was no return, no known safety net, and living with whatever consequences may come.

You can’t undo murder.

I took one more gulp, one more deep breath, picked up my pen, clicked its perfect little sprouty top, and made a list:

• Delete small money-making apps on my phone that we’re actually wasting my time rather than valuing my time (removes the temptation to feel comfortable with financial crumbs when my time is irreplaceable and no longer ignore the false reinforcement of “I deserve scraps because that’s all I can get/am allowed to have.”)

• Purchase an AI stater pack for world-building and fiction writing that I’ve been on the fence about (could be a scam, but staying on the edge rather than making a choice is a ploy.)

• Publish this post with all of its gory details (no going back, even if there are typos, and I wish I hadn’t said something!)

• Purchase an AI job hunting/application software (no refunds and it could be a total bust, but by God, I had better do it or I’m just gonna keep circling with excuses.)

And then I began doing exactly those things in the order in which I wrote them. I have not stopped since. The clock says it’s been about 6 hours since then, and I’ve felt nothing but alive for the first time, in a very, very, long time.

I Didn’t Want to Say Anything

The last 12 months have not turned out in the ways I have imagined.

Everywhere I turned there seem to be a new fire to put out, a new crisis to deal with, a new thing to be afraid of, all while dealing with the worst job market I’ve ever seen in my entire life, dwindling buying power, shrink inflation, inflation, depression-like economy indicators all decorated in a very dark cloud of despair, covered in a thick blanket of exhaustion.

I needed to do something. Anything.

And since I have tried just about everything to fix all the problems, I started turning inward. Because maybe, just maybe the problem is somewhere inside of me.

Not a mental health crisis, not a mental health diagnosis, but some sort of belief system that I thought I had fixed but maybe in reality I had not.

Maybe there was some “default programming” somewhere that got better at hiding itself in my psyche fooling me into believing that the actions I’m taking and that the results of those actions that I’m imagining are true. Maybe the imagined results of the planning that I had come up with are not true.

But how do I find out?

What did I have left to lose by examining it?

That’s when the book popped up in one of my timeline feeds while I was scrolling.

Of course it had. Algorithms have gotten freakish in terms of their predictive analysis.

Buying the Book was the Same as Biting a Bullet

Except, I didn’t know that yet.

And I didn’t have the money to buy it. I haven’t had the money to do really anything in a very long time.

At first, the book was comfortable.

It felt like it was speaking directly to me like it understood everything I was dealing with, everything I had tried, and affirming that none of it was all in my head.

It turns out, as the author describes, it was only partially in my head with the rest being partially in my body, and the rest, mostly from the world around me.

And that’s where things got interesting.

It showed, in very explicit detail just how far back all of this goes. This applies to not just me, but my enemies (real or supposed?), and the entire human population as we know it.

The book forewarned that change was coming, that if you proceeded through the book, you would become someone that you may not like.

The preamble of the book came with a hefty and very detailed and very unique legal and mental health warning.

I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life.

The warnings were clear: Not everyone was going to be able to mentally handle the undoing, the changes, or what you would be like if you started and abandoned the process part of the through. Real harm could take place if you do not finish.

And of course I wanted to keep reading. I was cautiously both captivated and terrified at the same time.

I’m not finished with the book.

I’m only 6-7 weeks in, and I don’t know how much longer it will take me to finish, digest, and learn the rest.

But I do know, as of this morning, the figurative creature hiding in the corner is dead. Its body is laying there fully on display: hairy legs, too many eyeballs for its own good, and a weird, unworldly saliva dribbling out of its fangs. It no longer has the power to shape-shift into things resembling comfort, reassurance, or safety.

This book, in some respect, is very dangerous.

It has an affiliate program, but I’m not convinced yet that it’s safe enough to share with my entire readership at random. I would never give it to a teenager or even someone who shows the slightest hint of uncontrolled rage or narcissistic tendencies.

If you’ve been through this book, and you are reading this article, then you know which book I’m talking about.

If not, don’t worry about it right now.

The mental issues it can cause a person are very real. I don’t wanna be directly responsible for that harm because I referred a stranger to this book.

This book, I can safely describe as 30 years of therapy condensed into one month. It’s a boot camp, an overhaul, a complete removal of unhealthy behavior and insights and the full replacement and installation of default networking with something far more balanced and precise.

I had already considered myself to be balanced and precise before reading this book. My work and previous experience indicate this.

I not only began to dissect my personal thought patterns, identify, in very vivid detail, my default neural networks, the beliefs and mindsets I have believed on a much, much deeper level than I ever had in my entire life (generic articles and insights on the internet have nothing on tools provided in the book), but I’ve also learned how to read other people more deeply with specialist-like tactics.

It’s a mixture of stoicism, martial arts, mental health work, therapy, and weapon-like level training.

It shows you exactly how to manipulate people most people, how we have been manipulated as a species (and for how long and in what ways) and shows you how to, once you gain this knowledge, to never, (EVER!) even accidentally manipulate others ever again.

To highly specialized individuals who know these things see the people who need to manipulate others as weak, predictable, and easily controllable. I never understood that before.

Interactions were Extraordinarily Uncomfortable

During the first parts of the book, every day you had to practice a different technique to learn more about yourself through interactions with other people. You had homework each day, questions to answer, and observations to record.

This was all to help you spot patterns, triggers, layers, and nuances that you’d never seen about yourself or the people you interact with. I have entire handwritten notebook full of failings, observations, patterns, and discoveries.

The book teaches you about:

• blind spots you have

• micro expressions

• somatic expressions

• body language combinations

• linguistic analysis

and more.

I haven’t wanted to tell any of you about any of this either.

Why?

False fear, and I know that now.

You deserve to know the things that can actually serve your growth, your insight, and the betterment of your life.

You deserve the raw, unvarnished parts of my voice that I’ve unknowingly taken steps to squelch over the last several years.

People who may threaten me, (and I haven’t even gotten to that part of the story yet) in the future are also weak, predictable, and far more powerless than they realize.

Power is not necessarily about being able TO DO something about a situation, it’s about the ABILITY TO SEE what is and then SEE THROUGH IT with absolute clarity and fearlessness and then CHOOSE for yourself how you move forward.

Because this figurative creature is dead via this figurative murder, I can now live without that false fear hanging over my head.

Side Note: For My Enemies

Those of you who may be reading this who are angry with me for this newly internalized realization really need to ask yourselves what it is you are afraid of?

• Why are you angry?

• Do you feel betrayed?

• Disgust?

• All-consuming rage?

You’re afraid of a loss of control and what that means for you.

Because the truth is, for the last decade, I’ve allowed you, your relatives, your friends, associates, and others, to quietly, in partial ways, control me. I thought that if I had started publishing under my own name again, that I was “past of all that and no longer afraid.”

Turns out, that’s not entirely true.

And discovering that or even fully admitting to it, is not a side effect of this book that I expected. But it is true, and it finally needed to be said.

Here’s the comfort, a secret that I learned that no one bothered to tell either of us:

That “control” is and always has been an illusion that was handed to you by predecessors. Every predecessor. Not just your parents or your previous mentors, but the legal, financial, educational, health, and media systems themselves. Not just the control itself, but the construct and all the related support systems behind it.

It was all a setup and has been in place for decades before any of us were born.

Just think about it. Think really far back.

Look at the layers intellectually. Look at them carefully. You’re not bad at this, you’ve just never started looking this deeply before.

This may takes you weeks or months to unravel for yourself and for you to clearly see it.

We were pitted against each with carefully crafted false narratives handed to us like weapons assigned in a video game.

At the center of the arena they placed the most precious things to us for survival and protection:

• our children

• families

• freedoms

• finances (or all of them at once)

We were told to battle it out with the tools and confines that the systems created for us. Every debate, every dissent, every legal action, all are “allowed” by those who created the construct so very long ago.

We collectively justified our actions and choices because we each felt, “We had no choice.”

Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Not knowing any better, we all fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. The results is that all of our lives were irrevocably changed.

They played us.

The system laughed, fed on us, and went about its business. Do you understand?

It’s disgusting, isn’t it?

If you think I’m wrong, you’re not ready to be free yet.

I Started Looking for Husband Last Fall

Yep, a husband.

I went through the standard, traditional channels in my local Muslim community and to-date, it’s yielded zero possible marriage candidates. I have my suspected reasons for this, but I’m no longer bothered by it.

Around the same time I bought this book, I joined an online Muslim marriage app. Paid for 3 months. My research has shown that none of the marriage apps are actually better than the others. They all have scammers that get through, fake accounts, bots, and men who lie. I have about 6 weeks left in my membership as of this writing. When I’m through, I will never put myself through this process again.

I’m not required to open the door for poor treatment by random strange men on such levels (and pay for the privilege of the experience, to boot.)

I used some of the tools in the book to analyze conversations with some of the men I interacted with. This kept the interactions clinical, educational, and data-driven. Not romantic or emotional.

I gathered facts, spotted issues, and patterns, and could assign a level of trust without negotiating my energy levels or trying to figure out “how much I need to compromise to make this work.” It enabled me to quickly unmatch from liars, unserious, and entitled men. It also helped me unearth possibly dangerous subtexts that would actually turn out to be true within the next week of interactions with them.

Within 24 hours of each conversation I was able to extract warning signs, facts, and issue gaps that in most situations a woman would otherwise ignore. Seeing the gaps enabled me to ask questions to close those gaps and get at their true desires or visions for how they really wanted their wife to live. At the end of each analysis I created a factual, point-blank summary, scrawling by hand on notebook paper and drawing a neat little box around it to punctuate its finality.

With others I encounter in public, I started noticing deeper things:

• their motivations

• true beliefs

• mindsets

• what they needed through that particular expression of themselves

• probably where the wound that caused it came from

• the deeper pain and longing some of them have tried to hide

Most people want to be more free than we really are in every area of their life.

Being able to see more keeps me safer.

What I’ve seen allows me to have more compassion and empathy without being so “on-guard” all the time.

Energy Expenditure has a Switch

The protocols in the book taught me how turn my energy valves on and off like switch without fear or guilt. That has been an amazing blessing. As women, we are often expected to spend energy well past our energy reserves simply because someone decided it “was in our nature” without respecting the guardrails around our needs first.

Now, I can hold a conversation with someone and not be nearly as drained as I previously was, and I find I have more control over where I place my attention verses being bothered with random thoughts and feelings that were’t really mine from the beginning.

Even if I cannot unravel the answer for my original issue “fix all the problems,” I at least know now WHY I’ve been driven to find solutions. Now that I know what I know, I feel comfort and acceptance knowing that if I never find the answer I think I’m looking for, I’m still going to be just fine and dandy no matter what.

I’m less emotionally and mentally exhausted, and now only recently again, am I starting to feel creative and whole again on a larger scale.

The Unseen Gag Order

I felt for some reason that I couldn’t talk about the combinations that were causing the heaviness. It was all fake programming to keep me (all of us) quiet.

CDL Work

I did end up going to CDL school. I ended up hiring on a Swift Transportation. For a large combination of factors, I did not stay long.

To pay the rent, I ended up driving school bus part-time in my local area.

Part of me would like to learn how to back and maneuver a 53 foot trailer with a sleeper cab in tight and awkward spaces because I never really learned how.

I can’t tell if that’s an unclosed loop I would like to close or if it’s something I can’t just let go. It seems to be a shame to waste to that hard-earned skill by giving it up completely.

There are many rewarding aspects to being a truck driver. But there are also an extremely large amount of overwhelmingly stressful pieces to that role.

Looking back over the last year at my experiences, I’ve been able to determine it was the environment that I was in and not the driving or the truck itself (except for you, Kenworth. Your headlights leave much room for improvement).

It’s running up against the clock that doesn’t match what your body is doing and it’s asking your body to do things it was never meant to actually do by constantly switching from days to night to some hybrid nightmare in between just to make enough money to justify driving rather than working at a fast-food joint.

I feel confident that in a different type of environment, that I could close the gap on that skill and probably be very successful at truck driving. I have not closed myself off to it completely.

For transparency, the mega-carrier I was with makes employees sign a social media agreement that says you will never say anything negative about them in public or on social media. I’ve come to learn that many other mega-carriers probably have a similar arrangement and that’s why you cannot find certain things about them on the Internet.

I’ve also contemplated that maybe team driving might be better for me or being married to someone who I can team drive with might work until I get the backing part of things down. I would try again on my own if I had plenty of cash saved up, but I do not. Like many, that money is gone.

Surviving is hard work. The economy has only gotten worse. Job hunting has not gotten any better.

The Dog

I still have Maverick, but I do doubt sometimes whether or not I will be able to hang onto him long-term. I want to but I don’t know if I’ll be able to.

Creative Pursuits

Over this last year I even invented a pen name to write more brazenly and more openly about certain things that I’ve dealt with or to say certain things that need to be said. And you know what happened with it?

Nothing. I went gung-ho for about 48 hours, and I have not published anything with it since.

I know now after going through this book why I did that. I’m also realizing I may not need a pen name ever again. We’ll see how I feel about that (or what the data shows) by the time I do finish the book.

I even started another website that I’ve only told a few people about. It has not gotten off the ground the way I had hoped because of my previously struggling energy levels and competing priorities.

And only I can decide how I go forward in building or not building that website. Building it would still be a good thing to do, and it is something I would like to finish.

If I integrate everything properly, I may never need to do that (separate out all my writing) and instead just speak to you in the voice that you need to hear from here, from me. But I have not arrived at that place yet.

I felt very guilty for a very long time about not publishing here in so very long.

I didn’t know where to start or what to say or what story to tell you first or whether or not I should even keep sharing about my life.

All of that was just noise.

It was part of that creature that I didn’t know was keeping me comfortable and convinced the staying in a cage was good for me.

I don’t need to apologize. I don’t even need to explain.

Things are far clearer now. I’m unstuck.

And Rahila Rivers? My main character and pen name for my fiction? She’s morphed. In fact, The Stealthy Scribbler Society is morphing.

The reason I was having so much difficulty with telling Rahila’s story is because I was trying to make her the center of an entire series of fiction.

What I have recently come to learn as an author, is that Rahila is just one part of a much larger story, a much larger fictional world that I have recently built, a much larger set of series of fiction novels to hopefully, inshallah, (Arabic for “God Willing”) happen in the future. Thanks to AI, the groundwork for that is almost finished.

For those of you worried about AI being involved in some of my future work, please know that just this morning I found a gap in its logic and because I’m an accomplished author, and a lifelong writer, I was able to spot it and have the AI fix its outputs. Otherwise the world, and the plots of would have crumbled before they even had a chance to breathe. Lesser, experienced writers just would have trusted the AI’s “instincts.”

No More Dancing

In the last post I had made about peacocks in the trucking lane, I talked about the requirements of society that makes you want to dance in order to earn your provision.

I didn’t wanna do that then, and I still don’t today.

But now I understand I also no longer want to dance around uncomfortable topics, uncomfortable truths. Things that I should talk about, but for one reason or another have always been afraid of some imaginary consequence of doing so.

I have a better opinion of the One who provides my provision than I do of the creature that lays dead in the corner.

Let’s rip off the Band-Aid:

• I’m not sorry that I chose Islam as an American who was born here in America.

• I am happy being a Muslim. I have more peace than I ever have in my entire life by being Muslim.

• I do not see myself changing my religion in the future. For those of you hoping that this was just a phase, it is not.

• I am no longer afraid of certain forms of enemies. I am no longer afraid of certain people from my past or those who still hold a grudge from their own failed past perceiving.

• I have had threats against me more than once in the last 12 months by men who are physically close to me in my proximity. Both have been dealt with. Legally and swiftly.

• I’ve had online threats, attempted online attacks, and recently, a calculated individual attempt to get at me a few different ways online, all in the last 12 months. This combination is part of what has kept me quiet.

• There’s an energy shift that has happened. I no longer make choices based on what longtime enemies would have me do or not do. I’m almost 50 years old. Your immaturity, insecurities, and lack of development is not my fault or my problem.

• For a very long time, I’ve been comfortable with the idea of me being forced into homelessness because of the actions of my enemies, should that time come. In other words, you’re just threatening me with a good time. Find something more productive in society to do.

• I no longer apologize or shrink when it comes to my safety.

• I no longer cover things up in policy. Truth stands on its own and it’s not harmed by examination.

• I recently learned of some semi-hostile feelings from some folks here in Texas towards Islam. Many of those people are forgetting that many people here that are Muslim were born here in America, and they accepted Islam on their own. And that many of those Muslims, including myself, are not lawbreakers. Additionally, as an American citizen I stand in all of my rights as an American citizen. This means I don’t have to accept your bullying, your garbage, or your threats. And I don’t have to be idle when you cross the lines that no one is allowed to cross. There’s plenty of articles on this site that illustrate the levels I’m willing to involve law enforcement, not just for myself, but for my neighbors, and acquaintances, too.

• AI is a tool and should be used responsibly. I use it responsibly in my work to speed the processes of things.

• I don’t agree with the conditions many trucking mega-carriers quasi-force their drivers into. In many cases they really have the drivers over a barrel all in the name of a handful of cents per mile.

• I am excellent a pre-trip inspections both on a semi and also on a school bus. I am very grateful for the opportunity to help other people stay safe.

• I do not make apologies to some people for my “choice of masculine work...”

• I also look forward to the day when my income levels meet or exceed the levels I know they deserve.

• I no longer have my paid for video-editing software. I can’t afford it at the moment, and I cannot guarantee there will be any more videos. I hate the tediousness of video editing and there is no money to pay someone to do it for me.

This article was longer than most. But it’s been a long time since I’ve written.

I hope you’re well.

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Peacocks strut in specific ways to earn business. Flappy, fancy, and fluttery. Sometimes they’ll even chase after their target clientele.

My self-employment marketing methods don't work because I don't chase people or follow up as I should.

I don't beg.

None of that works for me.

I don't have a niche, and frankly, I don't want one.

I no longer see admitting either as a failure. For four or five months, I actively labeled it as a failure. No, it's not a failure. It's owning up to what actually works and doesn't work.

Why?

No matter how good you are, you’re required to dance

Once you get the clients, testimonials, job, and advancement in your chosen career, the required peacock strutting does not stop.

It only changes the scope of how and when you fluff and display your feathers.

You must always show up, show off, and sell yourself in some way, shape, or form.

It. Never. Stops.

As a woman in the business (corporate or self-employed) world, you're judged by your coworkers, bosses, religious leaders, HR, and others.

Your family and friends may or may not fully understand.

Unless you have someone on the same path, you won't get the support you need to climb to the other side. And I mean the same path, not a similar path, not bros in the business organization you're part of. No, the same path as you because when difficulties arise, no one else will understand or believe the nuances you're trying to communicate.

You might have others in your business organization to "support" you, but this only goes so far.

I've tried to make enough money to "just be."

I did it once.

It worked for a little while until it didn't.

Then, I ended up in a similar place to where I had first begun.

Start over because you must

I have to start over again.

I'm great at adapting, even when it means making large, life-changing decisions, because sometimes in this life, to survive, YOU MUST.

Rent is still due every month.

You can choose to get the rent paid, or you can choose to be homeless.

If you're going to be homeless through no fault of your own, despite your best efforts, YOU MUST mentally and emotionally pivot to adapting to your new reality.

If you want to survive and not be consumed by an ocean of overwhelming change, YOU MUST adapt.

Changes come whether you're ready or not

I always knew there would come a day when I would no longer be a technical writer by trade.

I tried to plan for it, but those plans didn't work out.

Recently, I made some new plans.

Those plans did not work out.

For those of you who know, I’ve spent the last few months in a very aggressive job search. From February to now, the door to technical writing jobs seems to be firmly shutting in my face at every turn.

It feels surreal that something you’ve done for more than the last ten years is no longer viable to you for an income.

To ignore this fact is unwise.

To accept it means that change is coming sooner than I planned.

I wanted it to wait a tiny bit longer, mostly so I could “feel ready.”

Most of us don’t get that privilege in this life.

Facts don’t wait for feelings

Because I can see this happening, I went to the Workforce Solutions establishment in my local area and talked to some lovely people.

A woman I worked with during a job search session said, "You're very knowledgeable. You're very, very, very smart."

I didn't know what to say in response.

I wanted to say, "All those smarts don't mean anything if you can't dance the right way in front of the right people. It's a crying shame, isn't it?"

Because it is.

It's the peacock strut, and my feathers don't stand out enough anymore.

What if you just walk away from everything?

Trust me, I've thought about this for years.

Everyone should think about this from time to time.

It makes you think, research the possibilities, and learn about different scenarios and problems you have to solve along the way.

You'll also learn that some pretty gnarly things can happen to you that could do you in and make you think twice about actually walking away.

I haven't yet figured out how to live completely without monetary cost (I've studied others who have and do) for myself and still be mostly safe as a woman. The scenarios of the people I studied do not match my situation exactly, so the research doesn't fully align when solving that problem.

All this research and learning experience gives you a greater appreciation for the life you're currently frustrated with.

The two extremes

Unless you intentionally choose to be poor and can find a way to live with minimal expenses regularly for the rest of your life, OR you find a business model that works for you where you're solving a significant, repeatable, human problem in a proven way, the hustle culture never stops.

You're never going to be able to stop showing up and being forced to show off to win jobs, client contracts, or acceptance amongst your neighbors or your peers.

There are really only four categories of problems you can solve that will make you rich online:

• Health/Fitness (weight gain or loss, physical fitness, food, etc.)

• Personal Finance (helping people make money)

• Relationships (being successful in business, personal, family, or romantic relationships)

• Security (being or feeling safe and secure while living at home or traveling)

The reason some of these gurus have "cracked the code" is because they are either:

1. Putting in massive amounts of brute-force constant work, regardless of the quantity required, for 6-24 months (alongside their teams!)

2. They're helping others find a way to make money that works for their chosen clientele.

That's it.

Everything else requires different levels of fluffery, strutting, showing off, bragging, and constantly being seen.

Even when you reach certain levels after this, you must still produce content, advertisements, strategic newsletters, social media management, client relations, and more.

Now, you can build a business model from the ground up that works for you. It is technically possible, but I haven't found the one burning problem I solve for a target client who can actually afford to pay me.

I could build the business model, but the solution or product I would offer would not be profitable.

And that's where I get stuck every time.

I can't be ridiculously wealthy online because of this.

I've had carloads and curriculum loads of business advice and mentoring to understand that it is just how it is.

No amount of good feelings and warm, fuzzy beliefs help with this. It does not create the attraction you’re looking for. If the product or service is not repeatedly necessary or people cannot afford to pay you, you will not reach your desired financial goals through that business model.

I've stopped fighting and have accepted it.

If you finally find that one coach or mentor you think can teach you a method that works best for you, I can almost guarantee you their business model works for them because they are helping other people make money.

That's it.

If they help people do or accomplish something else that does not directly involve this, they are not able to charge as much for what they do. This requires more clients, which requires more... you guessed it... more peacock strutting.

If this article causes a flurry of content from those folks to prove me wrong, so be it.

Go for it.

At the end of the day, you're not walking in my shoes, dealing with my obligations and energy levels, or understanding that the one or two things I do really well for people are the ones most people can't afford or won't pay for.

Others and I have thoroughly vetted this, especially in my situation.

Some might say, "Just niche down even further and target the clients who WILL pay you!"

No—no, no. Because that requires a completely new set of very specific feathers, specially ordered and custom-made.

How long will it be before I need another new set?

AI is coming for those pretty little new feathers, too.

Right now, even those customers don't want to spend money. They have a pool of people who can do the same thing for them, and now, with the help of AI, it's ever so much cheaper.

Part of new business models in the future should revolve around surviving in a world where people cannot pay.

It involves proper alignment and deep trust. These are two things people crave but society and current systems do their best to keep them out of reach.

Anything else, for me, is fighting an uphill battle I have no wish to repeat.

And then I have to ask myself, if people aren’t actually paying you, is that really even considered a business?

Probably not.

The IRS states that if your business is not profitable after three years, you don't have a business; baby, you have a hobby.

Surviving on hobbies?

Can I pay the rent with my hobbies and without the peacock strut?

I haven't figured out how to do that yet, either.

If I had it my way, I would walk for most of the day and spend the other part writing by hand about anything and everything. Then, I would camp mostly safely and somewhat comfortably for the night. The next day, I would repeat this until I wanted to do something different with my life.

There's no strutting involved in that.

There's no money to pay rent, but if I lived that way, I wouldn't be paying rent. Anywhere.

What little money I would make would go towards food, hygiene kits, shoes, and bug spray.

But how, exactly, would I make that money?

Possibilities appear once you go down a rabbit hole and ask questions.

And I'm very, very, very good at asking questions.

You should always ask questions

You have a right to learn, know, and understand.

You shouldn't be afraid of tracking down information that could give you the answers you seek.

You shouldn't fear how long finding those answers will take you. That's part of the journey.

Didn't you know there is treasure in the journey?

What gold did I find?

What did I uncover?

By asking questions and remaining open to the possibilities, I was presented with job resources that could help me retrain for a new career that will be in demand for some time.

It's completely different than what I've been doing for pay in the past. Adapting means no longer focusing on or pining for attention for my 12+ years of experience as a technical writer.

I did those things. The work is valid and stands on its own. I accomplished that.

But it's time to move to an industry that welcomes me with open arms: the trucking industry.

If everything goes well, I'll retrain to get my CDL and drive big rigs.

I used to live in my van and have driven throughout most of the United States. Over the years, I've slept at truck stops hundreds of times.

It will get me back on the road, except this time, all I'll have to do is focus on driving that truck safely and efficiently. I won't have to drive and work from the road at a separate job.

Driving (and its related necessary nuances)will be my work.

I won't have to look for campsites or book reservations in advance. There are thousands of places to park a truck nationwide, mostly for free.

If everything goes well, Maverick, my little sidekick with his pizazz, attitude, and food allergies, will be able to go with me.

I'll be getting paid enough to keep the rent up, so I'll have a home to return to.

Pivoting throws gravel

Adapting and making larger life decisions is difficult, but it doesn't have to be scary.

I've researched the trucking industry before, researched the trucking schools, and, in the last few months, called several trucking companies to ask questions.

In the trucking industry, I only need four very clear, bright feathers to wave around:

• The CDL

• A successful DOT physical exam

• A clean driving record

• Clean drug test

No custom, specially ordered set of fancy feathers is needed, and no strutting is required to get started.

The spinning tires that keep America moving throw gravel into algorithms or corporate structures that want you to keep dancing.

What if I'm wrong?

If I'm wrong and all this doesn't work out as intended, I can go back to dancing. Someone, somewhere, will pay me for that, right?

If I'm wrong about too, then it might be time to use some of the remaining cash to buy a fancy new Randy McNally road atlas book (paper copy), refresh the backup plans for my very, very long unplanned walk, and slip on my walking shoes.

Maybe Maverick's allergies will die down, I'll finally lose those last stubborn pounds, and we'll have some spectacular adventures along the way.

Walking Shoes or Truck Tires?

Does it have to be either or?

No. I’m hoping the truck tires enable me to use my walking shoes in different places.

For a time.

For a while.

For however long it’s written that I should.

Never focus on the door that closed.

Again, two more just swung wide open and are staring you in the face. Can you choose one that will still let you back track to the other if you must? Probably.

For now, that’s all the planning I need.

UPDATE: April 2026 — I did go out the truck and then I came home. A lot has happened since then. I aim to write about it, inshallah (Arabic for “God willing.” ).

📋 Part of careful planning is documenting situations or issues that could cause you trouble later. In the last 12 months, I developed a system I wish I had when past enemies and toxic bosses turned up the heat. Grab your copy of the Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit here.

Find your nuanced and custom solutions by becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Subscribe now

When someone is repeatedly making you feel unsafe, cutting them off is a kindness. It does two things:

• It preserves your space and energy.

• It prevents them from having multiple chances of doing stupid things that could eventually land them in jail.

If you can choose to not be in the presence of someone making you feel unsafe, make the choice to remove yourself (or have them removed) from your life.

You are not required to put up with such behaviors because of social norms, religious or cultural pressures, or family status.

I made this video this morning because of an interaction I had with a neighbor lady. There’s been some stuff happening that I haven’t discussed publicly. She was kind enough to give me a heads up. The information she provided only confirmed what my instincts have already said about the matter. I removed many of the details of that situation from this video. It is heavily edited, leaving you with the main point.

When I finished making this video, I made another to discuss the topic on a deeper level.

If you or someone you know needs help documenting a situation or issue you face, pick up the Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit I created. It’s the exact system I wished someone had given me when my former enemies decided to turn up the heat.

I put this message on LinkedIn this morning and got hit with bots from all directions. They were masquerading as recruiters. I felt silly for falling for it. Admittedly, it gave me a bit of an ego boost. I feel good about the message, though.

My intentional sabbatical is ending.

I used the time to both rest and to make a final attempt at becoming ridiculously independently wealthy via successful self-employment. 😎 I learned so much!

During the sabbatical, I accomplished some of my previous goals and had unexpected adventures that changed the focus of other goals or removed them entirely. I gained new skills and enhanced old ones.

Time away from traditional roles in larger companies provided great perspective and clarity. I'm great at meeting or exceeding deadlines while working with a high degree of flexibility, but I abhor traditional marketing methods and requirements to make that work lifestyle a constant reality into perpetuity.

I've also been able to help others navigate crises and deal with legal matters while working with local enforcement to help reduce crime in my neighborhood. I've become a gentle but clear advocate when navigating these things. Proofreading legal transcripts has been delicious and satisfying and will remain so as I occasionally do so on the side.

At the end of the day, though, I can't help but continue doing what I do best: helping others get unstuck while upholding accuracy, truth, and justice, especially when it involves documents and help with rewording.

I'm ready to return to the workforce and assist individuals or organizations in sharpening and enhancing their documentation projects. Staying away forever would be a disservice to those whom I can help make a more profound or stronger impact on their companies and customers.

Starting today (maybe tomorrow), I'll be doing nothing except securing gainful employment. I will remain active on Substack without pressure.

I learned during the sabbatical that I only have time for a few things during my day that I can do on an ongoing basis without burning out again.

That energy will have to be reserved for:

• Working a full-time job

• Very occasionally, proofreading transcripts

• Exercising regularly

• Focusing on my Islamic studies (mostly Quran, reading and memorization)

• Publishing sporadically

I've wanted to edit and update all the video footage I've created in the last six months, but I keep getting interrupted. The same goes for the workshop.

Many in my life don't really understand how much I've accomplished in the last two years or how much I've been trying to accomplish on top of that until recently. Now, I no longer feel the need to explain it, go into details, or even brag.

• I know what I'm capable of now.

• I know my limits to sustain the needful things in the future.

• I know how to tear it all down, start over fresh with nothing, and succeed again, if I really had to.

I'm a different person today than I was a year ago.

Is everything perfect? No. Did everything work out the way I planned? No. But I also learned that it didn't need to. Some things I thought were non-negotiable really didn't matter in the end. That's valuable feedback and information—priceless, really.

Rahila: Her stories need to be told. I'm getting there.

Islam: It's still a perfect fit for me, and I'm so grateful for it. I still feel at home in my religion and with the Quran, and I look forward to deepening my relationship with it, however personal it becomes.

Relationships: I'd still like to be married again one day to a good Muslim man who is well matched to me and with whom I can share life. But if it doesn't happen, I have plenty to keep me occupied: work, religion, neighbors, family, and friends.

Travel: Not for a while. A short trip if the van wants to behave. I cleaned it out last week. Since it's part of my daily living, I want to update my identification documents with pictures that include my headscarf. I've toyed with getting a TSA pass that lets you go through security faster, although that is not a priority.

Zettlekasten: There are two boxes now instead of one. I still have cards to file, but the previous indexing is complete.

Podcast: A couple of weeks back, one of my Uber drivers asked me if I had a podcast or if I was on the radio. "You have such a unique, calming voice. You should think about it," he said. I did not tell him about my Substack.

Ramadan: I celebrated with other Muslims in person this year for the first time. It was amazing to meet some other Muslim women. Soon, I will meet with some of them again. Happy times. More adventures?

Crime: Some crimes have decreased, and others have increased. More people have moved out of the apartments. I don't know where things will stand later on with this place.

I'm sure there are other things to update you on, but I don't remember what they are exactly at the moment. Oh, you're gonna start seeing the "Buy Me a Coffee" button on my posts. This way you can support me in amounts you're comfortable with, without being locked into a subscription.

Buy me a coffee

See?

I'll end this for now. I have a job to find. 😎

UPDATE: Since writing this, I developed something I wish I had when my enemies turned up the heat and their shenanigans - a documentation system (easy) that keeps tracks of facts in way easily leveraged by investigators and legal professionals. Pick up your copy of the Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit today.

I did my best to clean up the audio and added some funky scene edits to cut out a few things. You’ll hear road noise and maybe some wind in the background.

It’s 2025, and I still feel this way. I’ve listened to this a few times in the last couple of days, because it’s a message I needed to hear and be reminded of myself. I know some of you need to hear it, too.

Your truest strengths live where your trust is and with what you know.

When the playing field levels, what are you each of you left with?

They want you to play. You don’t have to.

UPDATE: Since I published this, I developed a documentation system (easy) that lets anyone document and navigate their way through an enemy’s shenanigans. It’s the exact system I wish someone had given me back in the day. Pick up the Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit today!

"Did you investigate to see if anyone was shot and needs medical attention?"

My immediate answer, "Normally, I do, but I'm not doing it this time. The shots are closer than normal --"

Pop. Pop. Pop.

"Three more shots fired just now!"

The 911 operator continued, "Can you hear people screaming or yelling? Did you hear a car speed off?"

"No. The dogs are barking." I couldn't count how many, but many were barking. The shots were close.

"How many shots have you heard total?"

"Eight. Five, then I immediately called you, then three while I've been on the phone with you. Eight. Normally, I call dispatch when I can pinpoint better where the shots are coming from, but not now. They are much closer."

I waited. It was quiet—too quiet.

"Hello?" Nothing.

"Hello?" Silence.

"Hello?"

The phone clicked, and the connection went dead.

Counting bullets in the dark

I sat in bed, catching my breath. I realized I didn't remember the end of the Quran track playing. I must have fallen asleep before it finished. My breath was faster than usual. Adrenaline.

Maverick growled, low and quiet beneath his blankets.

The time indicated that I'd only been asleep for around five minutes.

I rehearsed the scene: Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. I was fully alert on the second Pop. Several things registered in 1.5 seconds: Close. Rapid. Semi-automatic. Four. Five.

My thoughts turned to my son. He'd gone out with his friends that day, or had he made it home already? The fire was not in his direction if he was home; if he was still out with the boys, he was far away.

Would 911 call me back? Back in the day, they did.

Scanning the shadows

I walked out into the living room, toes on the cold floor in the dark, and climbed carefully into my sofa. I moved the slats in my window blinds slightly and silently, which I've perfected since living here. Darkness, stillness, and quiet.

I went back to bed, phone in hand.

My fingers swiped and pressed the non-emergency dispatch number. When the officer answered, I explained I'd been disconnected from 911 but wasn't sure if it was all right. The officer explained the call was complete and no further action was needed. He also explained that at least six squad cars were in my neighborhood, concentrated at one location. "That's weird, actually. Something must be going on." We hung up.

I needed sleep, but adrenaline refused.

Accepting the unacceptable

It wasn't until the tension crept up the back of my neck that I realized what I'd said: "Normally, I do..."

My eyes flung up.

"Normally..."?

Yes, normally. Normally, I do. I've spoken about this before, and I've also spoken about reducing the amount I do.

I answered the operator immediately, as though there was nothing wrong with citizens investigating on their own, as though it was commonplace and expected. I realized as I replied that I was trying to explain a little, as though I would get into trouble for not having done so.

But we are not supposed always to investigate. At all.

• Has it become so normal now that 911 expects citizens to investigate when they hear gunfire?

• Has it become so normal that I expect myself to fling open my front door and half glide across the courtyard in hopes of witnessing a firefight, capturing all the details of the parties involved, and that I feel bad if I do not?

Bullets do not discriminate.

Criminals are not smart people. They are thugs and cowards. Entitled sons of you know what.

Normally..., I had said. Normally. The syllables stayed.

I normally investigate.

Reading the bullets

Sometimes, there is a pause between the firings. Other times, there is a string of gunfire, one after the other, semi-automatic, like tonight.

In the first scenario, someone controls the gentle squeeze of the trigger each time they pull. I know because I've fired guns the same way.

Controlling it, slowly squeezing the trigger rather than hard pressing it, shows restraint, training, and intent. You're aiming, concentrating, and firing on purpose.

Doing it openly, in public, and illegally ramps up the stakes and the pressure. Remaining controlled in that environment shows calculation.

My body felt only one word: Murder.

In the second scenario, rapid-fire pelted away without the rhythmic pause indicates anger, intent, chaos, and an attempt to scare, send a message, or warn.

To the criminal, killing is a bonus.

But a bonus to who? There's only one answer: the gang they serve.

Do they feel this behavior increases their rank among them?

Do they not know that Allah has carefully measured ranks of His own for both paradise and hell?

Lullabies of urban warfare

I sat in the dark, my shoulders chilled, and the dog returned to his relaxed, deep breathing. I wondered if deducing all these things in the dark by hearing alone was normal.

• Eight shots

• Five at first, three later. Retaliatory?

• Semi-automatic

• Gang-related, possibly, probably, involving drugs

The phone rang shortly after. It was dispatch letting me know the officers were on the scene, investigating but not finding anything, but that they would keep patrolling.

I thanked the officer and hung up.

I knew they wouldn't find anything. It had been 15 minutes since the bullets rang out. The criminals are long gone already. I knew it, the criminals knew it, and the police knew it.

I closed my eyes, purposely relaxed my body, and fell asleep way past my bedtime.

If I was smart, I would have documented this entire situation better. Since I’ve published this, I’ve developed the exact tool and system I wish someone would have given me to document and track these issues. Pick up the Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit today!

Algorithms make you choose between writing for passion and writing for engagement.

Your bills force you to choose to write for money.

You're left in a quandary about what to write and when to keep content and traffic flows cycling efficiently.

More work. More force. Less being.

The system doesn't want you to know you still have a choice.

When the numbers stop making sense

It's only when you start waking up from the extra work, the extra stuff you do day in and day out, that you realize something is wrong with how you've been performing compared to what was required not too long ago.

You acknowledge it, but you keep on. You have to.

Then you think about it a little more. You inspect the paperwork requirements, stats, dashboards, and analytics, as well as check the account balance and the subscriptions required to keep it all afloat.

You remember things weren't always this way.

Then you start questioning.

Trading your voice for views

You see what you wanted, what you were originally striving for, what you envisioned.

Social media and streaming programs show you that the life you're endeavoring for is real.

You're a good writer. You deserve that life, too.

Suddenly, you realize how much you're scrambling and how much you're doing. As a writer, you're pumping out 3-5 times the content you previously had, and somehow, you're proud of that work.

But you also realize how tired you are. You don't have time to think, to decompress, or to let your mind wander.

It's all about the content calendar and repurposing all the content for each of your social media channels.

You look back at your checking account. Its balance hasn't changed.

The great creative compromise

Resentment builds.

It feels like, more than ever, we are forced to choose between:

• Working in a trade or industry we want and performing work we hate

• Getting decent healthcare or paying the rent

• Democrat and Republican family members

• Extra "me" time and the obligations of home life

• Writing what you want, what you need to say, and what the algorithms actually push

What I've never liked about this is being forced to choose. 

Your voice was yours, and everyone knew it

Forty years ago, we could write what we wanted, and we did. We could research paying markets specifically for our type of writing.

Back then, you had to mail query letters to these places regularly to see if they would like to see something you wrote. If you sent a manuscript in (printed out on paper through the mail) without their request, it was called an "unsolicited manuscript." Sending one was frowned upon by many.

The process was much slower than today, but we didn't have to choose what we wrote. By the time you were getting published, you had practiced enough to find your writer's voice. As a creative person and writer, you knew which kind of writing kept you in flow states. 

Nobody could tell you "No.” During your writing sessions, you could enter these flow states almost on command.

It was delicious. Absolutely delicious.

You didn't have to choose.

Reclaim your words

We shouldn't have to choose today either. 

Write and publish what you want.

• It might reach one person and help them get unstuck in their thinking, processes, or workflow.

• What you write could give a person a different perspective on a relationship's difficulty and how to solve it.

• What you publish may enable the other person to grow in ways they hadn’t thought of or imagined for themselves.

Publish under a pen name if you must. Don't explain.

Write what needs to be said, but do your best to redeem the broken parts.

Don't leave us hanging in a dripping well, leading to an abysmal void. Show us how to climb out or why we can still hope we can.

Redeem your voice.

Reclaim your words.

Impose your work into the world.

Speaking the truth is not only vital, but so is documenting it. Get the exact system I use to record objective, verifiable facts for the things that impact you the most.

Find your nuanced and custom solutions by becoming a free or paid subscriber.

If someone (anyone) is ignoring your “No,” make sure you document it every time. Capture 19 fields of information for each incident. The Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit shows you exactly how.

Find your nuanced and custom solutions by becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Out of 100+ families, I’m the only one who called within that time frame.

Had I known what I know now, I would have documented this incident (and others) with the Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit. It walks you exactly how to log facts without bias, leaving a trail of evidence that speaks for itself.

If you have crimes committed against you, even minor ones, especially if there are problems where you live, you need to involve the police.

That's assuming you still have a police force in your city.

Since I've lived here, I've had multiple issues take place that I've written about before. There's a whole string of records at the police department in my community because I'm not afraid to get law enforcement involved.

You can’t report every little thing

Do I call for every little infraction that I see? Of course not. Absolutely not. That's ridiculous. We don't need to go overboard. And we need to use some common sense.

There's going to be people that are constantly breaking the law. It doesn't matter what it is. People are going to break the law. But you can't call the police every single time it happens. (But I did learn how to document all the things that began happening in a crystal clear, factual, organized manner. Get the exact system I use here: Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit)

I'm specifically talking about crimes committed against you (or your neighbors). Unless it's an overt crime, I'm specifically talking about the petty gray areas, especially the things that don’t add up.

Like the earbud that fell out of my laundry basket this last weekend. How did it get in there? There was no plausible explanation for how that got in there.

I knew when I went to the apartment complex management, explained the situation, and asked if maintenance had been in my home that:

• It sounded crazy

• It was happening

• I was also having an issue with it

They confirmed that maintenance had not been in my apartment, according to what they were willing to tell me.

The thing was that there was an actual, physical item that did not belong to me in any way, shape, or form, and I could prove that.

I was very certain I did not bring it into my home. There had to be an explanation for this, but there wasn't.

This was filmed in September 2024.

You’re not crazy or overreacting

There are only three to four very slim, probable possibilities of how this happened. They're all slim and highly improbable, but they're the only explanations I could come up with.

Thankfully, when the law enforcement officer came out this last weekend, he was probably one of the best cops I've ever talked to.

He fully admitted he thought this call would be a waste of time. He felt that, you know, this wasn't going to go anywhere, and oh, this lady's just freaking out because she found something in the washing machine that didn't belong to her. Of course, she does. It's an apartment complex.

That is until I started explaining everything that I had described when I went live.

He was willing to walk through all of those logical things for me, and because I proofread courtroom transcripts, I've proofread several depositions. I know how questions are asked in a logical, linear order to remove or narrow down possibilities of what happened or could have happened and where that process broke down, right?

I'm very familiar with this type of communication. I recognized it when the officer started asking me those types of questions. I recognized it because I'm a technical writer familiar with asking these questions. I make it a habit to ask questions this way when trying to find something out myself. It narrows things down to concrete, logical pieces. So we got along famously. The cop and I got along great.

He walked me through those possibilities, and he admitted it was perplexing.

I then took it a step further and asked him about checking for trackers on my vehicle. Thankfully, as of this video, I have not found any, but I will make it a habit now that I understand how to scan for those to continue checking for that regularly.

And I have to accept that if I want to continue living in any kind of city here in the United States of America, the way our economy is, how our government currently is, and how people's tensions are very high. We have an illegal alien problem in this country. It's been known, especially for the last four years, when it's been ramped up since, you know, Biden took office.

We are very aware of these things. We are very aware of the increased level of crime, tensions, and all these other kinds of problems that are contributing to people just saying screw it, "I'm gonna commit a crime because there's a high chance I'm gonna get away with it." That's what a lot of these petty criminals are doing.

They just believe that they're always going to get away with it. Now, I'm the person who knows that's not true.

Criminals will not get away with it forever

It's not true that a criminal, a bully, someone who's intimidating you, harassing you, or stalking you will get away with that forever. They won't. In decades past, it was a lot easier, but today, it's not as easy.

Whether a criminal pays for their crimes depends upon whether:

• Law enforcement can catch them

• The legal system can push them through properly

• If the attorney general in your vicinity will prosecute certain crimes

Some attorney generals in some cities here in the United States do not prosecute certain crimes. They're not interested in it because of their political agenda, or there's not enough money in it, or whatever.

Many citizens have yet to realize that they're on their own. I woke up to this around a year ago when I moved into this apartment complex.

Since then, petty crime has increased here but has also decreased in other aspects.

You’re more powerful than the criminals

More and more neighbors are getting more cameras, and more and more neighbors are willing to step up and see that it's okay to talk about this stuff that's happening and report it to the police. It's just a shock for a lot of people because they haven't realized yet that they have more power than they think they do.

The more valid filings people make collectively, the more law enforcement personnel will devote resources to that area. If you are, thankfully, still in a city that will do that for you.

Collectively, these criminals and bullies will see an increased police presence. They will see an increase in neighbors willing to set up doorbell cameras and carry other personal protective measures.

Here in the United States, it's very legal, especially in Texas, to practice all kinds of self-defense methods. Use your imagination, right? And so you'll find that many of these petty criminals eventually get tired of dealing with all that.

Criminals understand that the risk of getting caught and reported has increased, and they'll be less likely to continue their behavior in this manner going forward, at least in this area.

Part of that has proven to be true. Part of that has definitely proven to be true here. But there are still pockets where I know of neighbors who are very afraid to report these things to the police.

I've lived through that in the past, too. I'm almost 50 years old. I have lived through people trying to make my life a living hell just because they felt like they could.

Unfortunately, our legal system today will entertain things at the courthouse steps that aren't even true. I understand this fear at a very personal, intimate level, and I want to make this video to encourage you.

If you are having problems, report them to the police. Start reporting them.

Police are required to listen to you even when they don’t want to

I have found it very helpful from the time I make the phone call to dispatch to the time the police officer actually arrives, is to take out a piece of paper—scratch paper—just get one sheet of paper. It could be the back of junk mail; it doesn't matter.

Grab something to write with and start bullet-pointing what you need to cover.

During the conversation, you may refer to this piece of paper, and you can tell them upfront, "I wrote everything down because I wanted to make sure I didn't forget to tell you anything. Where would you like to start?"

Usually, they're going to say, "Just tell me what you got. Tell me what's going on." Their best investigation method is listening to a story; eventually, they'll start asking you questions, and you can start answering those questions.

When they say, "Is there anything else?"

And then, at that moment, your body immediately relaxes, and you can go, "Yeah, we talked about this, we talked about that, we talked about this, we talked about that..."

It's very important that you're able to do this for yourself.

It's sad that I've had to have that much interaction with the police. It is.

The good thing is that more neighbors here are becoming less afraid.

I hope some of this information has helped you. If you have questions, just leave them below, and I'll see if I can answer them.

If you or someone you know needs help documenting a situation or issue you face, pick up the Daily Defense Docs: Starter Kit I created. It’s the exact system I wished someone had given me when my former enemies decided to turn up the heat.

Why you saved a piece of content often provides clues to the content you wanted to create:

• Lessons learned

• Why the person did it wrong

• What you’d do differently

• What it reminds you of, and how it’s relevant to your audience

• What you learned and how it impacts you

• Situation analysis

These lists of bookmarks keep ideas that help fuel your own content.

To keep things somewhat manageable, I recommend creating a video on what you’re looking at, explaining the importance, extracting the transcript, and then using both to repurpose into multiple pieces of content.

You do not have to publish the video(s). If you absolutely do not want to make a video, speak your comments into a document using the voice-to-text function on your device or use a free app like Otter.ai to transcribe your thoughts.

Using this method, I’ve created hundreds of pieces of content over the last 12 months.

I’d rather go to Costco on Sunday directly after church lets out for three months straight than file my taxes. 

I must be mentally ready to do my taxes; otherwise, it's too stressful. Once or twice, it wasn't very easy, so I paid someone else to do it during those years.

Each year, I go through this routine, with part of a day spent on each task: 

• Gathering all statements and receipts

• Ensuring all transactions are entered correctly into the bookkeeping /accounting software

• Tracking down all official forms sent by institutions and organizations

Each task sucks quite a bit of energy. If we are measuring by spoons, it is definitely a three-spoon activity.

Then, a waiting period occurs during which I no longer think about taxes. This lasts 2-3 weeks or so. During that time, forgotten forms appeared for transactions I’d forgotten about. They get moved into their special digital folders. 

Then I wait again. 

Only when I’ve sufficiently forgotten that I must file my taxes, or else, do I remember. There will be something I see in the media or hear in passing conversation that reminds me, “Oh, yes. I must still file my taxes.” An eye roll always accompanies this.

A little more waiting.

I never know when I’m finally “ready.” It changes each year.

When I am ready, I wake up one morning, have a calm morning with coffee, and spend the rest of the day entirely free of distraction or interruption. Something clicks, and I’m ready to begin. I place my phone on do-not-disturb and only pull up one browser tab and the curated folders with all the documents.

In that moment, I feel both fear that I’m going to screw up and be audited six years from now and frustration on behalf of the developer that was overridden about the wording of the question during a pointless meeting.

• What does the question really mean?

• What are they actually asking?

The whole thing could have been more specific, removing doubt or confusion for the user.

Eventually, I make it past the question, hoping I didn’t jackknife this entire process and must start over from the beginning.

Momentarily, I think about changing tax companies, but I’ve been with this one place for so long that I fear another company screwing it up or not following through on their promises, leaving me worse off. Giving a side eye to others who have had worse experiences this year with other companies adds to the fear.

At the end, when the software checks for errors, I usually hold my breath. An hour and a half later (sometimes more), I look up, realizing everything is OK, and I'm free for another year to not think about this. I hold my breath again while waiting for the confirmation text: The IRS has accepted your return.

To reward myself, I do one of three things:

• Do nothing for the rest of the day

• Clean the apartment like a pregnant woman involuntarily nesting or like someone who’s decided to get rid of every last memory of their ex and “start over”

• Shower, grateful to be done with it all, ridding myself of its snarky residue

There is no reason for taxes to be so complicated for a United States citizen.

If the money we need to pay for shelter, live and operate in this society, and provide access to our healthcare wasn’t threatened with eventual wage garnishment or with possible eventual jail time for not filing, many, I think, would handle life far differently than we do currently.

But it’s all intertwined, forcing us, as a people, to live and operate within systems that are not truly designed for us.

Someone might say, “Just pay someone to do it for you.”

No. I don’t enjoy paying $60-$120 for each additional form the process needs to be compliant or as an upgrade charge on a DYI package. I don’t always get to deduct expenses from those additional forms, even though they’re required based on the situation. To me, it just adds salt to the wound.

As of this writing, I haven’t yet filed my taxes for this year.

I’m just not ready yet.

Many young people cannot read or write well enough to function in critical settings. Everyone should read something, even the back of a cereal box. Try different authors just because. Practice copying portions of what you are reading by hand, which helps your written skills and comprehension.